So, I went over to Kevin’s house this morning at 1:30 am and sat outside until 2:35 until he got home…Let’s just say, I was not a happy Andria. But what ever he finally got home and we spent the entire night together. It wasn’t anything supper romantic or anything, but it was one of the most enjoyable days I have ever had. So much so, that I was suppose to work at 8 am but I showed up at 1 pm telling them this big lie about a car accident on my way to work. I feel really bad, but I do have to say that it was way worth it because of the day I got to spend with my baby! I love my boyfriend, no, not just a little bit. A LOT! He is so special in so many ways…the only thing I fear…that he will cheat on me. He has a sex drive like…Jeezzz I don’t even know what…maybe a rabbit…I hear the term “fuck like rabbits” so we will say like a rabbit. Anyway, I don’t know if I will be able to do my part to keep this boy “satisfied” I mean we had more sex in like 6 hours than I have had will guys in a week. Not that I didn’t enjoy it…but it’s normally the guys that can’t get enough that end up looking elsewhere. Plus, I already worry a bit because he’s always talking about this Becky chick. It’s weird…I am almost even jealous of her which I really don’t like! Anyway, he gave me a necklace today…it’s on a silver chair and it’s a cross hanging kind of sideways I would say…on the back he had engraved: “I love you” on one side and “Kevin” on the other…it is beautiful. My boyfriend is so good to me! Oh my…so I went wondering today and while wondering I found the most beautiful ring…but I can’t ask Kevin to get me that one, because it is too expensive. Anyway it is called the Past, Present, and Future ring. I would ask for it, but it is $599 and although that is way cheep for the ½ carrot ring that it is, I still think it is too much for him to spend…he has bills that come first…I am so anxious to find out what he gets me for Christmas…it is nerve wrecking…what if I don’t like it? What if he spends too much money? What if we break up? I JUST DON’T KNOW! So, Kevin and I discussed that fact that I am going into the army sometime in the near future. It was odd, you’d think because we have known each other for so short that he’d want to break up (which I totally wouldn’t even be mad at him for) but he doesn’t. How sweet is that. He told me that he loves me and that he wants to stay with me no matter what? Do you think we’ll get married? Do you think we’ll have babies? Hum…things to ponder…I called him this evening at about 11:30 awhile after he went to bed, just to tell him I loved him…I wonder if he’ll remember it? I was watching this movie, and it was kind of sad, which made me miss him a lot and in missing him, I wanted to talk to him…so I called him and told him I loved him. I really do you know. I love him so much it hurts. So much that every second I am with out him I think about him. I feel safe in his arms…Jeromie a little bit, Paul, my dad, my grandfather, and Kevin are the only people that have given me that feeling. It is nice. I just love when he holds me and he loves to cuddle, so it works out alright in the end…anyway I should get to bed, because he’s going to call me early in the morning and I didn’t get much sleep last night…ooooooooohhhhhhhhh…

I AM SOOOOO SOOOO TIRED....I CAN'T SLEEP...ME WANNA GO NUNIGHT....ME WANNA KISS MY BOYFRIEND...I SO JUST WANT TO BE HELD RIGHT NOW...WHO WANTS TO HOLD ME...I MIGHT EVEN PAY!!

Do you ever just feel lost? Do you find yourself sitting in your home, in your favorite chair, but yet, you feel as though you are nonexistent? That is how I feel right now. Here I am, at the same computer I am at every night. Repeating exactly what I did the night before…reading everyone else’s updates, checking my page, and then updating it…yet, I feel as though I don’t belong, as though I am trespassing in someone else’s area. Am I supposed to be here? Can I touch these keys? Am I allowed to miss the man that this heart treasures? When I look around, should I feel welcome in my surroundings? When that woman hugs me, I feel warm in side, is that ok? When I cry, I feel as though this body isn’t. Shouldn’t I feel whole with my body? Maybe, I am really not supposed to be here? I have talked about this feeling before. The feeling that I am just some random thing in this huge body…I think I should have communication with others in the body, but I don’t. There’s no one else here…I scream and no one listens. I cry and no one hears…wait, I hear footsteps, never mind, they were just my own. Never before, have I felt so alone, so unloved, so sad, so sad. I miss those that I love. I just want to see my boyfriend, I want him to hold me, kiss me and make me feel safe once again. I want my daddy. I just want him to tell me he loves me. I want him to pay attention to me and not just everyone else. I just want to be shown that my dad loves me, I can only remember with out help from him for so long. I don’t think that my father doesn’t love me; in fact I know that he does. I believe that my dad would give up everything and anything for me…but I don’t want that. I just want him to tell me he loves me. Kiss me goodnight, hug me, protect me from the things that are evil. He once did these things…Why’d he change? I have no idea, but I am not really enjoying it. I just miss him, the father that loved me! So, I figured you’d need to know a bit about myself and because I haven’t really told you anything I thought I would. Anyway… My name is Andria. I am 19 yrs. old. 5’7’’ and I think I am kinda extra pudgy…I am not fat though. Hum…I am a catholic. I was Lutheran until about 1 1/2 yrs. ago. I decided to change because I wasn’t happy where I was. Plus going to the Catholic Church made me cry the first time I was there and I felt welcome. Everyone was nice. I felt accepted and liked, I love what I decided and it has been one of the best decisions of my life. There is one thing I do wrong as a Catholic though; I have premarital sex. I didn’t for almost a year, but then I decided that I really love the guy I am with and I was going to do it anyway. I hope He (God) can forgive me, but who ever knows? Well, I have to get to bed. Goodnight and thanks for reading… Close your eyes…Do you see it? Can you tell how pretty it is? You know why? Because the really beauty is hidden deep inside. You must look close, Far away you see nothing. Close that is where you find it all…close…

IT WORKED!!! YEAH, I AM NOT DUMB!!!

So, I am new to HTML, but I am going to try to show you the ring I think I am getting for my baby! Cross your fingers and hope this works k! JG>

Wow, what a Thanksgiving today was. I think it was the worst I have had yet. Kevin left for Michigan today, which made me kinda sad, plus my most unfavorite auntie Carol was Hella-bitch today! She is just rude and she wants to be my grandmother’s favorite, so she will do anything to make my grandmother mad at everyone else! Our relationship reminds me of when I was younger and there was that “teachers pet” that EVERYONE hated but the teacher. That is how I feel about her most days and that is not cool! Anyway, when it was dinnertime I went into the bathroom and cried because I was so perturbed! See, my uncle had been an ass all day and then you had my bitchy aunt yelling at me, plus a house full of small children. Which doesn’t make for such a happy Andria…But on top of it all, the one thing that sent me over the edge was that my dad wouldn’t let me be in our Christmas drawing. See, we draw names, all of the adults. I have drawn names the past two years and now all of the sudden he told me no, because he didn’t think I could afford it, which I think is a bunch of crap! So now, instead of getting a present from one of my other family members all I get are presents for my grandparents, my dad, and his wife. Now, don’t get me wrong, I just think it is BS that I couldn’t be involved in our family Christmas…Whatever though, I guess it leaves more money for me to buy my honey his presents! Thus far, I have bought him a really cute Polo sweater and a “dressy” outfit from structure. It is SO cute, it consists of Charcoal dress pants, a boot cut, a dark blue shirt, that will look beautiful with his blue eyes, and I got a really cute yellow tie that matched the shirt. He’s going to be way hot when we go to Canada! I also plan on getting him this cute ring that I found, it doesn’t have diamonds which I think might disappoint him, but I think it is much cuter than any of the ones with Diamonds anyway. So, I don’t know if I have told you yet or not. His grandmother, Randi, has invited me on an all expense paid ski trip to Canada with them! Now don’t get me wrong, that is WAY cool and I am excited, but I feel like a charity case for going. But I made this bet with him assuming I would then not have to go, but I think he is going to win. See, he smokes and I said if he quite after the cigarette that he was smoking and didn’t have another I would go, other wise I wouldn’t. Well, fate decided I was going, because he hasn’t touched another cigarette yet! I don’t know how I feel about this, but I guess I need to make the best of it, no matter what. So, what am I thankful for, every Thanksgiving I think it is necessary to have a list of things you are thankful for, so here is mine. I am thankful for: · having a family that loves me, even though many days they are a handful as am I. · knowing that so many people love me. · the wonderful friends that I have in my life; yes, even when they are mean to me! · my wonderful boyfriend that loves me and treats me well. · the many talents that I have been given in life. · my ability to be independent · the love that I have been shown. · the people I am surrounded by. · my father mostly, he is wonderful. · all the people that have been there for me and helped me out through life! Well, Happy Thanksgiving to all, I have to be getting to bed! Goodnight!

So, I love my boyfriend so much that it is unbelievable! He is wonderful. Anyway, I am trying to decide what to buy him for Christmas? Any Ideas? Right now I am debating on two BIG things. One a $500 Diamond ring that he really likes or two a $500 night out on the town...Including Dinner at a fancy restaurant Downtown a play at the Orphium and then a fantasy sweet...I can't decide...which do you think would be best?

Hello, my name is Andria. I have had two bloggers prior to this one. The point of this webpage is for me to be able to discuss my feelings, ideas, and whatever else it is that I feel like writing. I don't know exactly what that is, but I am sure you will soon find out!