Two things will happen tonight before I go to sleep. I will end up vomiting or crying myself to sleep. Its a sad state of affairs. What happened, you ask? Nothing, really. Nothing I can put my finger on. I am just so unhappy and yet so excited I don't know what to do. You see, I am moving into my new place tomorrow, well, I guess it's actually today. Anyway, everything is going to be new. My father, stepmother and I all decided to start over. I am also slowly working with my grandparents to make everything better. Plus I am going to see my mom this weekend so that we can work things out. All in all, I believe I shall soon be at peace with my entire family...The only thing left is my boyfriend. You see, Kevin and I haven't been doing too well, he's messing up his life and he's having too much "fun" that he doesn't even see it. He's hurting himself so badly and I don't know how to help him, if I even am able to...I just want my Kevin back, you see, we broke up, but he said he would change, that we would be ok, but that he wanted another chance...so, I gave it to him and he's messing up again...I don't want to lose him though, because I honestly do love him with everything that I am...but I cannot sit by idly and watch him mess his entire life up. So, what's a girl to do? I don't know...in some aspects I feel it's not my responsibility to worry about him, but he is my boyfriend doesn't that give me the right to help him. I fear also that if I do tell his grandmother he will never forgive me, but isn't him hating me better than him fucking up all that he is? I love him so much that I fear he's putting his life in danger I want to help, but it's impossible to help someone who doesn't want to be helped...isn't it? I feel like his mother…I just want someone who loves me, someone who cares about me…I know Kevin does…but I don’t feel it. He doesn’t show it, I just need someone that’s a boy to answer some of my questions, but my male friends don’t know…to them a relationship is what they think they had last night when they had that one night stand…yeah, not getting a whole lot from them I am sure! Anyone out there smart enough to get it and maybe explain to me? Last night I talked to Nick, (Kevin’s best friend that he’s been with almost every night) and he really helped, he told me what he thought and I am sure what he and Kevin had discussed…He helped me understand Kevin’s side of it all…see, if Kevin could do that, just open up to me, talk to me once in awhile, help me understand what’s going on with him, we wouldn’t be where we are…we’d be happy together and probably understand what is going on…Well, wish me luck, we’ll figure out for sure what’s going on Tuesday. Have a wonderful day! I know I will. NEW LIFE HERE I COME!!! WOOHOO!!!